It’s a good chance for me to reflect on my time, especially when I am away from home in Thu Duc. Actually, Thu Duc is not really my home; it’s only a temporary place. I only stay for a few months, then I will, at some point this year, I will return to Hanoi. And even after I back to Hanoi, I still need to rent a place to stay, which likely means that I’m not going to be able to find a stable life for long. I do think Thu Duc city is a better choice of home for me since my company is here. And to be frank, I don’t think Hanoi provides an opportunity for me since I have little to know network in Hanoi to do business with or to find jobs. Moreover, the rent and house prices in Hanoi are top notch right now, it is the same for HCMC, but in HCMC, we have a smaller city named ‘Thu Duc’, and in Thu Duc, we have District 9, where the house quality there is good and the price is relatively much more affordable. Just to provide some numbers, the average house price per square meter in Vinhome D9 is around 50M if I build a house in a more convenient place like Elysian or Safira Khang Dien, it would be around 70M. But overall, still better than Cau Giay or Nam Tu Liem, where I see most new apartments’ prices are around 100M per square meter. So you know, Hanoi is no longer affordable for me to call home, nor does it have a strong network where I can build my career upon. I just feel like I don’t have the guts to restart everything in the very city that is my birthplace. I can’t imagine a day like this. Hanoi has become a stranger to me. I feel definitely homeless and have nowhere to go. My parents are living outside of Hanoi, where it’s a rural area, and even so, that place is new to me, where I have never spent longer than a week staying there. It’s not my home at all, l but only a place where I can see my parents.
It’s not a strange routine to me for sitting alone, working, drinking and dining alone and walking through the street alone, I’ve been doing it for the past years, and I realize that I’m not alone on doing so, I see people around me are doing the same thing, just that they don’t realize it. The point is, I prefer to live my life this way, where I want every single moment to be a chance for me to review myself, to find my eternal peace within my mind. I used to seek recognition through external worlds, where I tried to be a part of the community, have friends, and try to make more conversation, until I didn’t find it meaningful. I don’t enjoy being around people, and I don’t think it’s a thing that makes me happy. I find that the happy moment occurs when I make my loved one happy, it could be someone I truly love, or my parents. I feel like if the one I truly love smiles, it’s when I feel joy. It’s them that bring fire to my heart, that keep my heart beating. I know that they are not going to be here forever, I have to continue to figure out, besides trying to increase the number in my savings accounts, what other things I truly want to achieve. Yes, I do seek more knowledge and wisdom, and I do seek more meaningful things to get done. But I want to truly enjoy the journey, not just feel suffering going alone, seeing things I do is pointless.
It’s the question I made to myself all the time: how can I be balance, how can I truly see that everyday I wake up I can be as productive as possible and able to make incredible thing, I’m 29 year old turning 30 in the next year, a year past by really fast and I cannot wait to see miracle happen, I have to do something, a everyday decision that make me come closer to my perfect self. Being selective in choosing conversation and getting into a relationship is something I am really cautious about. And for being a better version of myself, I must have good health and increase productivity time every day, from 2 hours to 5 hours to 10 hours, then I believe progress can be made and great results will emerge through time. I knew that I was doing right, I just needed to be more patient and make a few more adjustments. Should I now have a permanent home and start being serious about marriage?