For years I have been having problems with lack of sleep. That’s no different from today. I am only able to sleep for 3 hours. Too many things I want to do and accomplish. I was asking myself, what are the priorities, how can I fit them with my time schedule? You know, we always do what makes us happy, if it’s not making us happy now, it will make us happy in the future. We call it an investment. We invest in things that we believe that it is good. The point is that one of the most important things we can invest in is knowledge. The more we know, the clearer the route we are walking in. If we don’t know what to do, study everything we can study. If we know what we can do and want to do and that thing brings us a good deal, the money, we get paid for what we do, that means we have a job, and by having a job, we want to be an expert in it, at least become a more valuable worker. The more I study certain things the stupider I am. I mean there are too many things we want to know and it will never be enough time to fulfill our curiosity.
I was thinking about a new data center setup last night. I have always dreamed about having a working Kubernetes cluster. A fully automated cluster and that brings the joy for me. Because to make a fully automated, highly available, and self-healing data center, requires a lot of knowledge and work. Of course, it’s not going to benefit me to make my career far more success, therefore it’s just a hobby that I would do whenever I have time. This hobby is to fulfill curiosity.
I also want to buy stuff. I used to spend hours looking for the perfect tennis racquet. I was also spending hours looking for a perfect laptop, and I also spent hours to see which cloud provider best fit for my long-term usage. All the research that costs time is always related to finance. Because I know for sure once I put down my money it will never go back, and it’s the precious time that I was spending hours working for. The money we earn is hard-worked and it’s painful to see it go to waste. If the investment is not worthwhile I would never invest it. If the past I was spending money on things I liked I might see it as worth it but I also have seen how much time and money I have spent and wasted in the last few years.
It’s time for me to mature, it’s worth only spending time money, and resources and your effort on things, activities, people, on subjects that matter to us. Time to us is not infinite but finite. We don’t have enough time to stay here and do things that we will regret later on when we get older and are unable to fulfill our actual dreams once more. It’s no wonder why our elderly generations advise us to learn more, because once we learn more we know how to act right and do good things for ourselves.
There is always a thing called emotion that takes us far from the right path. It’s the urge to bet on an opportunity we thought would bring us a fortune but it does not because we know it not so well. It’s the emotion that tells us to believe and put trust in a person that we thought would make us happy and have a long-lasting healthy relationship that is a motivation booster for us, but she or he does not. I’m nowhere near perfect and I’m not saying we should close ourselves to any relationship. Still, it’s important, I believe, to look into ourselves, look into the mirror, and fix and improve things that we feel like it needs to be fixed or improved. It’s the priority rather than the trade-off. Me I don’t think I am good enough to become a close friend to anyone, I am imperfect and full of mistakes and it’s better for me to keep shut my door and instead of seeking the light from outside it’s better to seek the light from inside.
If there is thing that makes us suffer then it’s time for a change. If things that not work out it’s time to make a difference. But first and foremost, is not the external world to be blamed, rather, we need to revise ourselves, within us, and what can we do differently to make us stop suffering.